As most of you probably already know George Carlin died. I wanted to take a moment here to write about how brilliantly funny he was. I don’t know of any other comedian who really had George Carlin’s knack for pointing out the hilarious semantic possibilities of the English language, as well as making pointedly funny observations about popular culture. He had a singular talent for taking commonplace words and ideas and making them into phrases that made you laugh until you thought your gut was going to burst. Sadly, I had the opportunity to go see him when I was in junior high or high school but my parents wouldn’t let me. I own two of his books though and they contain sharp, funny things like:

When someone asks you what time it is, glance at your watch and say, “It’s either six-fifteen or Mickey has a hard-on.” Guaranteed they’ll ask someone else.

Griddle cakes, pancakes, hotcakes, flapjacks: why are there four names for grilled batter and only one word for love?

And this rant on our modern society:

MAYBE THEY’LL ADOPT

  • Concerning news coverage at the National Zoo: Do you care if the pandas fuck? I don’t. Why don’t they stop telling us the pandas didn’t fuck again this year? I’m not concerned. I have no emotional stake in panda-fucking. If they want to they will, if not they’ll watch The Price Is Right.

    • Probably the only reason the pandas aren’t fucking on schedule is because some environmental jackoff has moved into the cage with them. Could you get a hard-on if some loser in a green T-shirt was taking your girlfriend’s rectal temperature? Leave these creatures alone. And please God, save the planet from environmentalists.