Definitely one of the greatest posts I’ve seen on Craigslist…

2 tickets to the Rat Pack/Tonight (Burbank/Sherman Oaks)

Reply to: sale-croonercrazy-1133778864@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]
Date: 2009-04-19, 6:00 AM PDT

I have two tickets to The Rat Pack at Orange County Performing Arts 7:30 tonight
Orch Row S side by side FREE
I can’t go so if you want them let me know soon

Location: Burbank/Sherman Oaks
it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: 1122591825

…apparently there is an individual who has two tickets to a concert venue in an Orange County, California in some parallel universe or OCPA is a clever name for heaven, because Dean Martin, Joey Bishop, Peter Lawford, Sammy Davis, Jr. and my personal favorite, Frank Sinatra are all there. I imagine that gig will be standing room only…

 

The Facts of Ancient Greece

A good friend of mine is a classicist and came across this list of FACTS. These are indisputable pieces of information people. Enjoy:

I too have had it. Just one too many times this week someone has made a statement that is so ridiculous and irritating that I must put the record straight.
The following are FACTS. There is not room for argument here, as you cannot argue against something that is primarily true.

FACT: Odysseus is the best superhero. Nope, no, shut up. I have no interest in debating this.
FACT: Greeks are better than Trojans.
FACT: Zeus is the best God. He has everything the other gods have and more, including the ability to transform into animals to fuck women and create mythical beasts.
FACT: The Iliad is the greatest novel of all time.
FACT: Fresco is the greatest art form of all time.
FACT: Parthenon is the best representation of culture in Greece. The Temple of Hephaestus is amazing, but its not better.
FACT: Hercules would lose in a real fight with Hades. Half God vs. full god of death and the underworld.
FACT: Ambrosia is ABSOLUTELY better than that liquid plutonium you call goats milk.
FACT: It is never acceptable to call Achilles or Apollo a bitch. They should have their own Mt. Rushmore you fucks.
FACT: Figs simply are the best natural food. Olives are a close second. Fish doesn’t have a place in this category as they are not fruits, but fish. Duh.
FACT: Pork is better than Pheasants. Grow a pair you baby.
FACT: Odysseus blinded the cyclops first and his name is pronounced Odysseus, not Ulysses.
FACT: Wall Painting is the greatest art form of all time.
FACT: Lamb is better than anything else on Earth, ever.
FACT: Wearing a toga does make you a pimp. Zuess never looked stupid, and neither did Homer.
FACT: Zeus is the best god. I said it before and I’ll say it again. If you say that Athena was, I swear to whatever god you worship that I will find you and eat you alive with my ear. AND THATS IMPOSSIBLE.
FACT: Apollo flies in a sun chariot, but its technically a carriage and anyone with a brain knows that. Wilder.
FACT: Lightning CAN be directed at people by gods who want to kill, don’t believe the hype.
FACT: Lute is better than a flute.
FACT: You can’t cross the river Styx if you are alive. If you do – you are either dead, a god, or being carried by a god. Go on. Try it.
FACT: Homer isn’t a sellout. Go choke on a dick if you think he is.
FACT: Apples aren’t better than Pears. In this case I am willing to accept that it is impossible to prove either way. But they aren’t better.
FACT: Roman’s suck.
FACT: Paris could and would get away with sexin your girlfriend.
FACT: You wouldn’t mind if he did.
FACT: He already has.
FACT: Twice times.

If you really, truly believe that any of these are not FACT, then I hate you and no longer want to share this planet with you. Expect actions of my part to ensure that happens in the near future.

 

The Joy in Suffering

Schadenfreude: {shah-din-froy-duh} (n.) pleasure derived from the misfortune of others.

- from the Middle High German words Schade (damage, harm) and Vreude (joy)

As you know, since the mid-1990’s America has had an ongoing and increasingly passionate love affair with “Reality” Television. This love affair really stems from the physiological response documented in a landmark study. Just thought this was fascinating and decided to share it. I’ll leave it up to you to pass moral judgment. Peace.

A New York Times article in 2002 cited a number of scientific studies of schadenfreude, which it defined as “delighting in others’ misfortune.” Many such studies are based on social comparison theory, the idea that when people around us have bad luck, we look better to ourselves. Other researchers have found that people with low self-esteem are more likely to feel schadenfreude than are people who have high self-esteem.

- Warren St. John article

A 2006 experiment suggests that men, but not women, enjoy seeing “bad” people suffer. The study was designed to measure empathy, by watching which brain centers are stimulated when subjects inside an fMRI observe someone having a painful experience. Researchers expected that the brain’s empathy center would show more stimulation when those seen as “good” got an electric shock than they would if the shock was given to someone the subject had reason to consider bad. This was indeed the case, but for male subjects the brain’s pleasure centers also lit up when someone else got a shock that the male thought was well-deserved.

- Singer T, Seymour B, O’Doherty JP, Stephan KE, Dolan RJ, Frith CD (January 2006). “Empathic neural responses are modulated by the perceived fairness of others”. Nature 439 (7075): 466–9. study

Brain-scanning studies show that schadenfreude is correlated with envy. Strong feelings of envy activated physical pain nodes in the brain’s dorsal anterior cingulate cortex; the brain’s reward centers (e.g. the ventral striatum) were activated by news that the people envied had suffered misfortune. The magnitude of the brain’s schadenfreude response could even be predicted from the strength of the previous envy response.

article

 

Save the “Bay To Breakers”

For 98 years some of the fine folks of San Francisco, it’s neighboring cities and in fact the world at large have been running this little race called Bay To Breakers. It goes just 12 kilometers (7.45 miles), starting at the Embarcadero and ending at Ocean Beach. The event started as a way of blowing off some steam after the very scary and stressful earthquake of 1911.

A few years back, a group of revelers joined the other runners and started to do the race in their own style. They run, walk, get drunk, wear some interesting costumes, build some really eye-catching floats, and generally just have a good time. And I say “LET THEM GO ON HAVING FUN!”

This year one of the main sponsors of the event ING, in response to complaints from local citizens has pressured the organizers into adopting a Zero Tolerance policy. That means no drinking, no littering, no floats and most likely not much fun. ING (and some San Franciscans) have forgotten the very spirit this race was founded on. That spirit is the need we all have to cut loose and have some fun from time to time. I can understand not wanting litter. That’s totally understandable, as the folks that live along the route would like to keep their sidewalks clean. Fine. No argument there.

But no drinking? No floats? No nudity? Come on people. You live in San Francisco!! (Except for ING which was started in the Netherlands and has it’s home office in Amsterdam – a city where soft drugs and prostitution are legal, can anyone say hypocrisy?) Everyone knows that historically the “City By The Bay” has been all about Laissez Faire – you know, letting people express themselves how they see fit. Besides, it isn’t like the participants are asking to drink alcohol and go around in their birthday suits all year round. It’s one day! For one day you can let them fly their freak flags and then make them live by the buttoned down rules the other 364 days. Every city needs to vent, especially in these tough economic times. Let the people play. Let them have fun as they go from the east shore to the west and remind the onlookers that they don’t have to go through life being so square. Isn’t it bad enough they live under the Governator’s regime in a state that has the world’s sixth largest economy but is billions of dollars in debt? Isn’t it enough that a whole bunch of them are currently unemployed and struggling?

Don’t ruin a nearly one hundred year old tradition because people are upset about litter and noise and nudity. If people litter, then make it the responsibility of them and the race organizers to clean up after the event. That’s all. As for the noise and the nakedness, suck it up. It’s one day! One solitary day in a whole year!

I’m urging everyone who reads this to sign the following petition, write letters to the editors at the San Francisco Chronicle and the Examiner and ING, send emails, call them, just make sure they understand that they are making a bad decision. Every city needs to vent, every city needs a few days a year to de-stress, recharge and just have some fun. It’s great for morale, it’s great for the economy and it serves as a reminder that we can all live together happily and healthily and not have to worry that we all need to forgo our own personal brand of fun because some major corporation and a few mean-spirited neighbors think we should.

That’s all I’ve got folks. Peace out.

ING Contact Info:
Joseph Loparco
(860) 580.2677
Joe’s Email

B2BPetition

 

identity

So, I was taking a break from my work day just now and checking email. I subscribe to one of those “What’s going on around town” newsletters and today’s had a link to a photo exhibit. So I looked at the photos and then looked up some of the featured artists’ work and this led to a general search on amazon.co.uk. All the photography was erotic in nature and I happened upon an ad for the latest Suicide Girls book. If you aren’t familiar with Suicide Girls it’s a website and now series of books of tattooed and pierced women, generally in the 18-25 year old demographic. It was started by a woman either, depending on your viewpoint, as a celebration of the tattooed/pierced subculture or as a clever way to cash in on said subculture. Looking at the pics made me think, ‘Standing out is impossible’.

Maybe it’s just me. And I don’t mean to sound cynical or jaded or blasé here, but to me nothing is shocking anymore. I remember when I finally got my hands on a copy of Madonna’s photo book Sex I flipped through it and thought “This is really boring. I’ve seen all this stuff before and this is disappointing considering Madonna’s flair for the sensational.” At this point given all the art and “art” I’ve been exposed to it takes an awful lot for me to be stunned or impressed. I do have somewhat peculiar tastes to begin with, leaning toward modernism and within that category, being a big fan of minimalism. But with people it’s the same thing – no one really stands out.

At least not in their identity. There really is no way to differentiate yourself because we all feel the need to put ourselves into various boxes.

There’s the box for how you dress – preppy, goth, emo (which is really just sad and compassionate goth), punk, don’t care.

There’s the box for your religion/philosophy – christian, jewish, hindu, buddhist, sikh, scientologist, atheist, agnostic, nihilist (as in “We are nihilists Lebowski, we believe in nothing!”)

Let’s not forget the box for your career – salesman, doctor, lawyer, teacher, ditch-digger, stand-up comedian, etc.

Then there’s the box for your hobbies which puts you into more subcultures – extreme sports enthusiast, stamp collector, cyclist, bowler, fly fisherman.

Political box comes next – right-wing, left-wing, moderate, conservative, republican, democrat, libertarian, anarchist

And on And on. More boxes. Climb on in.

Ultimately, or right off the bat, you realize as you look at all your boxes, that there are millions of other people in the box with you.

Um, wait, didn’t you put yourself in the box to stand out?

Why did you even bother?

There are obviously reasons for boxing yourself (er, you know what I mean). On the one hand, we have a natural tendency to want to belong, so we eventually align ourselves with one or more groups in order to fill that oh so human need. Sometimes we do it because of who we are intrinsically – e.g., we are lovers of the outdoors from birth so we take up hiking and then decide to always wear hiking clothes, thus getting into two boxes for the price of one (no pun intended). Sometimes we don’t realize we’re in the box until someone else points it out “Wait, is that unusual? I thought everyone liked midget porn…” But most of the time it starts as a pre-teen or teen and it’s all about being distinct.

I used to think I was distinct because in high school I wore Doc Martens (still do in fact). Years later I noticed that gamers, geeks, goths, punks and preppies were wearing them too. But there is no distinct, there is no different unless you meet one or more of the following criteria:

A) You design your own clothes or just go naked because obscenity laws be damned
B) You’ve actually created your own unique political system
C) You think god is one of the salt shakers at your local diner
D) You actually prefer sex with animals over people (in which case you are different but you are also creepy
E) You have some wonderful set of eccentricities that makes you stand out in a crowd

And E) is really the point I suppose because underneath all of our chosen associations the only things that make us really unique are the little foibles that can’t be put into boxes. Only the strange folds in the fabric of our personalities, the contours we only reveal to a select few people. That’s all we get to be different. Everything else is just posing.

 

some days

some days today disappears as tomorrow slips silently into view.
some days you sleep the wrong hours and wake up too late to get a damn thing done.
some days you wonder about the point and organize some files on your computer.
some days you need any little thing to do just to keep moving forward.
some days you listen to the music, the perfectly metered guitar and drums, and wish you were out on a stage playing it.
some days you wish would never end and some you wish had never started.

 

An Awesome Video

Check it out. I’m sure you’ll have fun.

awesome video

 

The Big Empty

Very bizarre short film starring Selma Blair. Enjoy.

There is a credit in this short film for Vagina Wrangler. I think that has to be the greatest job {title} ever created.

 

We’ll miss you George. Thanks for the laughs.

As most of you probably already know George Carlin died. I wanted to take a moment here to write about how brilliantly funny he was. I don’t know of any other comedian who really had George Carlin’s knack for pointing out the hilarious semantic possibilities of the English language, as well as making pointedly funny observations about popular culture. He had a singular talent for taking commonplace words and ideas and making them into phrases that made you laugh until you thought your gut was going to burst. Sadly, I had the opportunity to go see him when I was in junior high or high school but my parents wouldn’t let me. I own two of his books though and they contain sharp, funny things like:

When someone asks you what time it is, glance at your watch and say, “It’s either six-fifteen or Mickey has a hard-on.” Guaranteed they’ll ask someone else.

Griddle cakes, pancakes, hotcakes, flapjacks: why are there four names for grilled batter and only one word for love?

And this rant on our modern society:

MAYBE THEY’LL ADOPT

Concerning news coverage at the National Zoo: Do you care if the pandas fuck? I don’t. Why don’t they stop telling us the pandas didn’t fuck again this year? I’m not concerned. I have no emotional stake in panda-fucking. If they want to they will, if not they’ll watch The Price Is Right.

Probably the only reason the pandas aren’t fucking on schedule is because some environmental jackoff has moved into the cage with them. Could you get a hard-on if some loser in a green T-shirt was taking your girlfriend’s rectal temperature? Leave these creatures alone. And please God, save the planet from environmentalists.

 

Flight of Two Awkward Kiwis

Just watched the pilot of Flight of The Conchords and a few minutes of the second episode. And they parodied…wait for it…THE PET SHOP BOYS!

So two things occurred to me:

1. My pop music experience has now come full circle since I remember listening to the Pet Shop Boys on the radio when West End Girls had just come out. And now it’s been turned into a joke song for two Kiwis who are singing it to 18 year olds who probably think it’s an original song (at least some of them).

2. 2000-2010 will go down in history as the Decade of the Geek.